Megan inspired me to listen to Matchbox 20. One of two of my favorite bands (the other being Incubus). And so here I am. Everybody Loves Raymond is playing on the television at a very low volume. Why I still have the television on is beyond me. I'm not even watching it. I'm too busy typing this and reflecting over this weekend's events.

Saturday night, at the LAN at Joe's house, I broke up with Schmidty. I know what you're thinking, my relationships don't last. Well I figured out why, finally. I finally realized something about myself. I don't want a commitment. Not at this point in my life. Even with something as small as a high school relationship. I'm much happier being single, free to flirt without feeling guilty because I'm not paying enough attention to my boyfriend. I'm too unfocused about relationships to be in one. I told Ryan all of this. I told him the truth, even the fact that I do still like him. I felt I owed him the truth so he knew that it wasn't him.. its all my problem. (no worries, I didn't use the line "its not you, its me.") After breaking up with him, the rest of the night I felt like a horrible person and questioned whether I did the right thing. But I know I did. I refuse to have a relationship for quite some time.

I spent Sunday evening at my friend Matt's house playing Call of Cthulu. (a role playing game much like Dungeons and Dragons, only more modern and more of a headtrip.) One of the other players, Fischer, got a call before we started playing, from his 'girlfriend' (its complicated..) and so we started making comments in the background like.. "Fischer, stop sucking my cock! Damn, I know you like how big and black it is, but geez boy, control yourself!" And this is when I decided to try and rape him while he was on the phone. I lept over the coffee table towards the couch, and nearly broke my toe on a wooden bar. I still question whether all the bones are in tact.

Another friend, Jenna, had a Lord of the Rings Party today, starting at 10 AM. We were to watch all three movies in succession due to the recent release of the third film on video. I spent most of the second one using Fischer as a pillow, and trying to corrupt him by randomly groping his crotch. At one point, Megan took his hand and placed it on my boob, causing him to say.. "I think I'll just keep this he...nevermind i'll move it" it was a rather funny moment. Corrupting the little ones is fun.

So anyways.. I left the party early to eat steaks with my parents and then visit my friend John when he arrived here from Ireland... and that would have gone alone as planned if he had called as promised. Its probably not his fault, flights get delayed and such. But its sad. I haven't seen him in three years, and I was soo looking forward to this.

Oh well.

a new piece melted @9:14 p.m.